How to save a life

Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

dying doesnt really mean you have to jump off the ledge or something.. somethimes, dying just happens within..

Everyday of our lives, we are faced with choices. Choices that at times we wish we never had to make and choices we aren’t even prepared to make. Life is funny that way. Sometimes, you regret the things that you did because they made your life miserable. Sometimes, you regret the things that you didn’t do because they made your life miserable. Damn if you do, damn if you don’t.

Maybe that’s what makes life more exciting than they way we know it. Its true that there’s nothing better than to live life with a little excitement.

The best things in life are free. Sometimes, we’re caught up in our world that we take those things for granted. We’re so caught up with other ideas, emotions and people that we end up taking things for granted. We only realize what its worth when we ourselves realize that thing is going to be taken away from us.

Its either we grab the opportunity and put ourselves out there. It’s a lot like love I guess. I heard from somewhere that that the biggest risk in loving someone is to let them love you back. Maybe because they have to know how you feel for them for them to be been able to love you back. Or not love you at all.

Funny how that works. I’m actually sleepy but my head is clouded with so thoughts that I cant seem to even grasp all at one time. Maybe because I have things going in my head all at the same time. Work. Life. Family. Things are so twisted that I cant seem to figure out what it is exactly that I’m concentrating on.

The house is still a mess. Damn this renovation. I cant wait for my hot pink room, haha.

Oooh, CSI is calling me. Gotta watch! Buh bye!

its all in yer head

how can you feel really alone when every single day of your life you're surrounded by people? how can you feel invisible when every single day of your life, people pass by and say "hi ma'am!"? how can you feel lonely when almost everywhere you go, everybody knows your name?

is it possible to be 2 people in just one person? how can it be that you're different from what other people see you and from what you think that you are. it sounds kinda conceited but not when you're on the other end of the deal. someone said that i am a good person, he sees it everyday. he said i'm one helluva a smart chick, he sees it proven everyday. he said that i'm pretty, he gets stunned everyday.

how can someone see me that way when i feel completely the opposite?

im afraid to fly, im not that naive

there's so much crap in the world. i just wanna run myself over if that was humanly possible. im restricted by so many things and the only thing person that makes things better is the one that i snapped at. god. i just want to live like a normal person. i should have just taken a rank and file job. i should have just seriously gone for whoever. im tired of living up to what everyone expects me to be and im tired of pleasing them. im tired of understanding what could happen tomorrow. im fucking tired. and thats all there is to it.

Forgive Me For The Clutter In My Head

screwed up and damned. thats the best that i could think of for describing exactly how i feel right now. its like i want to jump off the building but its only 4 storeys high. i want to drown in a pool but its only 3 feet deep. i want to poison myself but i dont have the right stuff. even in trying to end the misery, i still manage to screw up. cant i do anything right??

so, what can i do to get my head clear. i dont have the slightest idea how to unweave the crap in my head. this is the time where i miss marc all the more. i need someone to tell me to stand up and fight without pushing me to the egde of reason.

argh, im talking non sense!! i shouldve just stayed with numbers!!! numbers are more consistent that i am. they dont make yer damn life complicated.

someone wrote this and it seemed like they had me in mind: Gemini, the sign of the Twins, is dual-natured, elusive, complex and contradictory. On the one hand it produces the virtue of versatility, and on the other the vices of two-facedness and flightiness. The sign is linked with Mercury, the planet of childhood and youth, and its subjects tend to have the graces and faults of the young. When they are good, they are very attractive; when they are bad they are more the worse for being the charmers they are. Like children they are lively, and happy, if circumstances are right for them, or egocentric, imaginative and restless. They take up new activities enthusiastically but lack application, constantly needing new interests, flitting from project to project as apparently purposelessly as a butterfly dancing from flower to flower. To them life is a game which must always be full of fresh moves and continuous entertainment...

why do i keep this damn game?

lets get retareded in here

summer is here and im in the office and marc's in the navy. how great can summer get? haha. well, im not that bummed about it. i have so much clutter in my head and i cant get seem to get them out. oh no, im messed up. haha. im probably high from the medication. thank god im going to out of it soon. its driving me crazy. i shouldnt have gotten sick in the first place. i missed a lot this weekend!!!!!

one hot white chocolate for Aina?

maybe its stress.. maybe its the mere complexities of life.. maybe.. just maybe i'll get it all figured out someday...

a person once said to me that my sarcasm was one of the things that gave me character. maybe it wasnt just sarcasm. it could have been mY being stubborn as well. it still holds true that i want to throw my phone. not as drastic probably but i want to change my number again and not update as much people. that didnt sound the way i wanted it to be. anyway. im confused. i hate being confused. ok, im straight so dont get any ideas otherwise. especially you ben and reese. tonight is the last night. i sent my "goodbye-joke-ish" text and after that, the mobile number is gone. how i maganed to complicate my life over the weekend still surprises the hell out of me. this is what you get when you listen to yer heart than listening to yer goddamn head. dont get me wrong, it was fun knowing and having people in my life. but its better if i wasnt attached to them. (*message alert 5*) 1 message received. should i reply? should i walk away? damn. walking away is starting to become a habit. in my case, a hobby

im just looking at my computer. straight smack at the screen. there are so much that i want to say and i feel so limited. i feel like im losing drive. its funny how work is the only thing that im looking forward to every morning. like its going to get me anywhere. anyway, its funny how things can go horribly wrong in a span of a couple of days. so screw it.

you know what i miss about being single? its the part of not caring. its the part of only thinking about yourself. not to consider if someone's getting hurt or affected with what i say or do. its like im finding an excuse to be irresponsible.